Happy Christmas

One effcient Christmas Eve

We went to Aachen because we heard they have some amazing Christmas market. The train got us there around 1 or 1:30, so we walked to our hotel, just steps to the Church where Charlemagne is buried, and we dropped our stuff off to go enjoy the holiday magic.


Our hotel view.

We got sidetracked in a bakery, and, once inside, I could tell that something was wrong. Erica walked right in and the woman behind the counter began yelling at Erica in German. Erica didn't notice, so I grabbed her and we left the bakery as they closed the door and locked it.

Weirded out by that experience, we walked to the town square to dive right into the Christmas markets, only to find them all boarded up. It was closed. Over. No one was about. Hungry, we went to a nearby Subway, only to be told that they were closing. Everyone was! The only place open was Starbucks, who were total rebels and stayed open until 4.



Apparently, Christmas Eve doesn't stay open like it does i n the States, and once again, we were subject to learning about Europe the hard way. We walked around Aachen as if we were the only humans left. We walked through a shopping area, and looked at their bright displays.



Christmas was happening somewhere, just not here.

We ended up getting sushi at some hotel restaurant, and then walked back to the hotel. We decided to go to the bar across the street from the hotel for a drink. We stepped in and found life. That's where everyone was! We drank beers and talked with our bartender as much as he could deal with the English.

Overall, it was a pretty great Christmas Eve.

is this what food likes like?

In Dover, England, on a corporate gig, and taking advantage of our respite from Dutch cuisine. Amber, Dan, Paddy and I flew into Dover, and went right to the location even though we had plenty of time before the show. We headed to a nearby pub for lunch and chowed down, taking advantage of our unusual per diem.

After the show, we returned to our hotel pretty and, after Paddy worked with the desk to get our hotel rooms straightened out when they weren't in their records, we managed to get into their restaurant before they closed. We all ordered the three course meal special (mine was a Thanksgiving dinner), and chowed down, taking breaks only to mention how delicious everything tasted.

Dan and I shared a beer before we went to sleep and awoke early the next day to take part in their breakfast buffet. At the airport, Dan and I stuffed ourselves at a sushi bar, piling up our plates next to us like badges of honor.

Only when you live in Holland can you appreciate English food.

Dam holidays...

dam square 12/14/05
Originally uploaded by talfulano

Erica and I walked around Dam Square, enjoying the holiday cheer. They had a carousel and rides for kids, plus sugared waffles and oliebollen (basically a big round donut). It's hard not to miss home, especially around the holidays, so we loved walking around and seeing all the holiday decorations.

Another departure from this mortal coil.

It is a grievous occasion that forces me to post the following email:

My Dearest Ryan,

It is with a heavy heart that i report to you that your little darling, Shaqapulco, has passed. She entered the world of eternal bliss early Friday morning.

I woke up around 8am and saw her in the halfway in the tube leading up to her little nest. I thought it an odd place to rest, but she did like her sleep and I thought maybe her tired little body couldn't make it up to the nest. Never the less, it didn't seem quite right. At about 12pm, I asked Noah to take a look at her with me. I examined her fur to see if she was breathing. Noah said, "Don't worry, she's just sleeping", but my women's intuition was telling me different.

At about 6pm, I went over to her cage again. Still halfway her tube, halfway in her nest, and having not moving once during the day to get her food, I feared the worst. I pulled apart the nest and tube, carefully taking her limp body out and promptly went to the internet to see if maybe hamsters hibernate.

The internet said that, in fact they do.

I quickly ran to my hairdryer to try to snap her out of it. I thought the heat, noise, and wind, might bring her back to the world of the awake. After about 2 minutes, i remembered I had a heating pad. i quickly ran for it. I placed Shaq inside, keeping her warm and massaging her for about a half hour. Still nothing.

I placed a call to the emergency vet line.

The vet said she was fairly certain that Shaq had passed, as domesticated hamsters do not hibernate.

It was finally starting to sink in.

I put Shaq back in her cage and covered her with some of the blue bits that I had bought at the pet stop for her to snuggle in.

Yesterday, I went to my sister's house and buried Shaq next to a tree in her backyard. It was a gorgeous day; about 60 degrees. I buried her right before dusk, so the sky was a deep blue and the yellow leaves rustled every so often, from the slight wind blowing in from the south. I said, "good bye girl" as I placed her in and then, buried her underneath the brown earth.

I think she was happy with me for a slight time. I did earn her trust, to a point, where she did let me rub my finger up and down her back, but in the end, she may have always had a broken heart.

But now, eternally happy, she must be sitting in Amsterdam, floating above your bed, watching you rest, as she runs around in that big old wheel in the sky.

Linda

Shaqapulco 2004 - 2005

halloween

halloween
Originally uploaded by talfulano

People have been talking about what an amazing party Boom has for Halloween. So I was pretty excited. The theme was "Sin CIty" and Dan made a great costume for Elijah Wood's character that was dead-on.

Dan, Tarik, and I were talked into staging occasional "gun fights", in the Sin City vein with squibs and fake blood (I am to play Bruce Willis' character) which we were game to do as it meant we could come to the party for free, because despite being Boom actors, we have to buy a ticket. The only thing we didn't want to do was figure out those fights for the Boom's promotional staff. We left the logistics up to them, and we never rehearsed.

The night of the party, we were affixed with our squirting flower squibs (the flower part removed, and the tube pinned to the inside of our shirts) and eventually, and the guys and I figured out something to do for a gunfight. The party got off to a slow start, which shocked the party planner's, so we kept waiting for our big moment to arrive once a real crowd had formed.

Eventually, closer to midnight instead of the 10:30 show time that was originally planned, we went on to do our first of 3 performances. Dan took the stage, creeping around the stage, and then Tarik comes one, I enter, and we shoot each other, squeezing the plastic pump at the end of the tube and watching a small amount of fake blood finally squirt onto our shirts. Once Tarik and I slowly died, every one went back to whatever they were doing. We didn't perform again.

I put on my real costume, that of Kobe Bryant, with Erica as the woman he was accused of raping, and went down to enjoy the party for real. But there were few people we actually knew, girls doing pole dances, it was a weird vibe.

Matt was pretty wasted but had still managed to find a pretty girl from the crowd and decided to sit with her on top of the huge speakers on stage. They both sat on the edge of the speakers, tempting fate, which eventually took hold of Matt as he fell off the speaker and onto the floor, a good couple feet down. He turned out fine, his ego bruised more than himself.

The rest of us (Tarik, Lauren, Dan, Laurel, Erica and I) went up to the shiny and hung out there, eating noodles and hanging out. With the sound of the party below us, we had a great time trading bits, laughing and being together. This is a great cast.

Te Koop

Suzi has left Boom and moved back to America, so Erica and I have moved into the same apartment as Laurel. Below is a photo of Dan and I saying goodbye to her after her roast, delighting in my poor sweater choice.



But it is time to meet a Dutch apartment! Welcome! Here's our kitchen, sponsored by Spin!

From the Kitchen window, we get to see many wondrous things, like our neighbors watching television at night, or during the day, searching through their over-flowing garages for paint cans or ladders.

That's our landlord in the garage!

Next is the toilet. It's small! You can't see into the bowl, but thats fine, because the trick is, there is no bowl! Hahahaha! Tricked you! Yes, instead of a welcoming pool of water, we get to place our shits onto a porcelain shelf, almost like we're placing them on a platter to serve at a fancy ball! Then a forceful flow of water creates a delightful slip-n-slide effect, brushing the shit off the shelf and into the tiny hole that is probably directly connected to the nearest canal.

If you're looking for the shower, it's located conveniently down the hall in a tiny corner of an otherwise large bathroom area. The hot water works well, when you get the water heater to work, but once you turn on the cold water, it dominates the hot water and you get blasted with watery ice. It takes finesse, but you can do it.

Here's the living room, as Suzi left it.

Suzi and Justine obviously loved camping, I don't. Anyone not sure of that can check my sweet camping equipment I used at Lowlands.

Also, mice are everywhere, but that's every place in Holland. When I asked people what to do if we get mice, I always get the same answer: "get a cat."

I am allergic to cats.

Tip up to Tim

PICT0021[1]
Originally uploaded by talfulano

One of my favorite traditions we do at Boom is singing the Tip Up song before Late Nites. We gather before the show and sign up for games, and when we're done, we put money together for the server handling our tables. We get to drink during the show for free, so we just tip whatever we feel is good.

Somehow, before a Late Nite we started singing the Tip Up song, to the tune of The Price is Right and it's always to Tim. It has no lyrics other than "Tip up to Tim." It goes: "Tip up to Tim, Tip up to Tim, Tip up, Tip up, Tip up, Tip up to Tim..."

I love it.

Tim hates it.

31

I was lucky to have my family out here for my birthday. We went to the Heineken brewery and I polished a few beers and then we went out to eat at Las Palonas, a Mexican restaurant that is not too bad actually. It's not great, but then again it's Amsterdam, which is not known for its Mexican cuisine.

Side story: When my family came to see the Boom show, I put them in the VIP booth where they sat next to David Faustino, Bud from Married With Children. He and his wife were travelling through Europe and they recommeded Las Palonas as they had been there based on the Boom guide's recommendation. Thanks Bud! Thanks Boom! Thanks Mexico!

After dinner, Marc, Tresa, and I headed over to the Paradiso and saw Broadcast play. They were fine, but the acoustics of the upstairs room stunk. The Paradiso is a former church turned into a music venue, and the large room is amazing, and the upstairs room is much more intimate but can have lousy acoustics depending on the act.

It was a mellow birthday. We tried to head up to the bar underneath a windmill, but of course, it's closed mondays and tuesdays. Most things are closed on Sundays, and some places are closed on Mondays. Who could have expected Tuesdays as well? I didn't! Holland, you win again!

A much needed bike ride.

I took a late night bike ride tonight, cruising around the Jordaan, Amsterdam’s working class neighborhood. I rode up Marnixstraat listening to music and enjoying the empty, quiet streets that filled the Sunday evening. The breeze on my face felt very refreshing and for once, I felt at peace here in my new home. The houses line up in impressive rows, large towering buildings, but thin and often one building sticks out from the other rooftops, revealing its slant nature. I rode by windows with people sitting inside, watching tv, or pass by beautiful sitting rooms, windows covered in white lace. Empty cafes, late night shoarma and pizza shops keep the street lit, and occasionally cars will drive by, forcing me to come out of my trance and ride closer to the sidewalk.

I stopped by a movie theater. The building was very old, all wood interior, the restaurant adjacent offered a bar and upstairs seating. Two large windows reveal the entire operation. I decide to come back the next night and treat myself to dinner and a movie.

On the way back home, I pass by canals and the homes that float atop them. The yellow lights of the street reflect off the water and help light my way. Down near my little studio, I cruise around my surrounding streets, thinking its time I look into the cafes that adorn my neighborhood and take advantage of my them before I have to move to my new apartment.

Back inside my small little room, I am breathing deep, peaceful breaths. It feels good to be here. It feels good to do what I do. The promise of sharing this ride with my girl feels amazing. I feel lucky and lonely and grateful and melancholy all at the same time.

Time to write comedy.

A man named Pep gets married.

It was Jon (a.k.a. Pep) and Tamara's wedding today. They were married in Vondelkerk, a former church near the park and an immensely beautiful little place. Matt and Suzi played a John Lennon song, the one everyone plays at their wedding, and Brendan Hunt did bits while they went through about a half hour of paperwork that is typically done at Dutch weddings. Not only do you have to sign papers as the wedding couple, but they all have to be confirmed by 4 different witnesses and so on. This country loves its paperwork.

Then we went to the Film Museum, where we had drinks and poffertjes, which are these little tiny silver dollar pancakes covered in powdered sugar and butter and a little syrup. They're pretty good. It was kind of an amazing post ceremony toast, as it was sponsored by Bailey's. Seriously. Bailey's was all over the place, and we toasted to it. The invitations, made to look like a postcard filled with photos of Amsterdam, Boom, the Vondelkerk, and with Pep and Tamara in the center, showed a quite prominent Bailey's bottle in the corner.

That's Boom Chicago. Even the weddings are corporately sponsored.

You win, Tim.

Tim put this picture and other gay themed Batman paintings on the desktops of the computers in the shiny. Normally, the desktop pictures are a battle, with pictures changing daily if not hourly, but these have stayed on a for a little while now.

Frankfurt

My second corporate show ever is a overnight in Frankfurt. Not sure how I ended up on this gig, but it's a lot of fun. The show goes great and we even give an encore. They give us a standing ovation and a gift of wine and flowers. Afterwards we go to the hotel bar and they give us drinks until we can't drink anymore. Rob tells me to stay for at least 2 years, but I wonder how that will work. Erica is still not here yet.

Back in my room, Suzi calls me and tells me to turn on the tv. It's Seinfeld dubbed in German. The voices they picked for each of the characters, especially Kramer, makes us laugh like crazy.

God Bless Boom Chicago

We did a show tonight and had a bunch of plainclothes U.S. soldiers in the house. we didn't know until after, but many were very gracious and came up and talked to us after. It was sweet. I was very happy to make them laugh and they were so appreciative.

Apparently, Tim told me that at their corporate gig Saturday night, which was at NATO, one U.S. General came up to Greg afterwards and told him that he should be proud of what he's doing for his country. Greg was a little teary-eyed after.

Anyway, the show was okay, but I was a little out of it. My rap at the end sucked, and I was not energy-ready to do a comedy show, but it turned out all right. Now I'm going home to answer a call to nature. The one in the shiny is clogged up and has a sign taped to it that says "Soury".

Not a typo.


The Shiny toilet. Taken a different night, but it's probably still broken.

Lowlands

Matt called me on Thursday leaving me about 15 minutes to grab my stuff and meet them at the train station to go to Lowlands, a huge Dutch music festival located somewhere in Holland. Boom performs at Lowlands every year, and while I am not performing, I get a backstage pass for the first day, so I can help with the show.

Lowlands is a festival that takes place over several days, so camping is involved. That meant grabbing a few different t-shirts, some underwear, and a yellow blanket to sleep on. I have no comping equipment, and am sleeping in Matt's tent for the next few days. I just moved to Amsterdam, and I am absolutely unprepared for camping.

Suzi, who ended up finding a sweet spot for all of us to camp on, had plenty of camping equipment and would laugh constantly at my wanna-be-sleeping bag-blanket. It was neither thick, nor long and left my feet totally exposed to anything that might crawl through the tent. Meanwhile, Suzi and Justine were making coffee, and cooking bacon with their camping equipment.


If only there was, like a sound proof booth where I could make a phone call... oh wait!

The Festival was a blast. I got to eat with the cast in the artist's tent even though I was not performing and had my first encounter with karnemelk. The Dutch like to think this dairy product is like a Buttermilk counterpart, but that is not true. It is, in fact, rotten milk. I figured this out after pouring myself a big cup of it, thinking karnemelk was the Dutch word for "milk."

Tarik watched me drink my first sip of this cold, curdled liquid, and after my face broke into utter disgust said "Yeah, that stuff is disgusting."

"Why did you let me have some of it?" I asked. Tarik was right behind me in line.

"I thought maybe you liked it."

"No, I thought it was milk."

"Oh. It isn't."

The festival was great. I got to see Polyphonic Spree and Franz Ferdinand from backstage the first day.


We also got to see and meet, briefly, The Magic Numbers. Rob is a big fan, so Amber got them to take a picture for his benefit.

It's hard to see, but the papers say "Hi Rob".

The next day I saw the Pixies, Arcade Fire, Royksopp, and others, but not from backstage. My pass was done, but I still had a press pass, which meant going into the Press tent in between bands to drink with hang out on comfy couches with Ash, one of Boom technicians. Arcade Fire almost stole the festival by having the most energized set I'd seen, not to mention one of the members climbed up the scaffolding during their set closer and still banged on his drum, 20 feet or so above the stage. Once he got back down, the group swarmed him and ran offstage, elated and frightened.

Still, the winner for me was the Pixies, who were charming and wonderful, and whom I have loved since I was 15 so they win by pure sentiment.

A Day on a boat

Today was an all-Boom boat trip, meaning all employees. Sail is coming up this week, which is a Dutch celebration of, well, boats, I guess. I guess there's a big showing of old boats and people come out to look at them, hence, Sail.

The boat we were on was pretty massive, and in typical Dutch fashion, we were introduced to the crew while being asked to help. "They have a lot to do, yah? So you will help them out, yah?" So a few of us ended up helping hoisting sails, and putting the sails back, folding and tucking it into it's cover. Most stayed downstairs, drinking, smoking and playing cards.

In between my work as a sudden crew member, and watching the ship move from lock to lock, heading from Amsterdam's canal system to the open waters, I slept out on the deck. I was still feeling jet-lagged from my trip, and the physical labor wasn't helping. I pulled my jacket up to my nose, laid my head against a rolled-up sail, and napped in the salty air. I felt totally at peace, relaxing on the boat and thinking that it wouldn't be too long before I got back to my new studio home in the Jordaan and sleep off my jet-lag.

"Hey," I asked someone walking by my nap space, "When do we get back to Amsterdam?"

"Not until tonight. I think this trip is like 10 hours long or something."

"Got it." I closed my eyes and went back to sleep.

From one end to the other.

Finally got back from a great vacation with my family in Hawaii. It took two days to fly back, and when I got back to Party Central, I found out that we had to move that day. Laurel moved into Jim's old room, and Paddy and I helped move in a new bed for her and move out Jim's crusty old one.

I've moved, temporarily, into Heather's old studio until Suzi takes off. Here's what it looks like:


It's weird going from a beautiful place with my family around me, to this new place with no family, my girlfriend far from here, and living by myself, which I've never done. It feels weird to go from such extremes, and I think, for the first time, the boldness of how I have changed my life, has caught up with me.



It took me all day to bike back and forth from place to place, so, after a pizza dinner from Domino's (the only delivery joint in the city), I fell asleep around 7:00.

Jim's Last Late Nite

jimkiss
Originally uploaded by talfulano

Jim is leaving Boom, and has enjoyed being one of Boom's top performers for a while.

Jim is not into being in a scene where he is gay. He will do anything to get out of it. In fact, in one scene in the Bite the Bullet show where he's breaking the fourth wall, he goes so far as to say, "I am NOT gay; I love the ladies," when he doesn't need to.

So for the final game of Late Nite, with the scene going in that direction, and the audience clearly rooting for it. I grabbed Jim, made sure he couldn't squirm out of it, and kissed him to end the show. By the looks of the photo, the rest of the cast is REALLY enjoying it.

Gay.

My First News Joke

In the Best of Boom show here at Boom we have a news segment in Act Two. We have been encouraged (because it's kind of our job) to write jokes for it so I decided to jump in right away and give it a shot. The thing I'm not used to is editing. I've heard some brumblings over what happens to your joke once it's submitted, but I wasn't worried.

Some sketches had some re-writes and edits done to the Good Time Hour by our director Jim, and writing with Sean in Old Man McGinty, he would take a pen to certain lines here and there, so I'm cool with it, but it's new.

So here's the joke:

"Controversy over the latest draft of the Iraqi Consitution has critics pointing out that if the constitution follows Islamic law, women's rights would be severely limited. Said a spokesman for the Iraqi government: "We wanted to follow the American constitution to the letter. Therefore, the Kurdish minority will not have voting rights for 100 years, and women will not have them for 140, and we will give gays the right to keep paying taxes."

It's okay. I kind of feel like it's too long, but since I wrote it amongst all the rehearsals we were doing, I figured it might get tightened. Pep gave me some notes and then essentially re-wrote the punchline, just like people warned me would happen.

Here's Pep's version:

"Controversy over the latest draft of the Iraqi Constitution has critics pointing out that if the constitution follows Islamic law, women's rights would be worse than in Saddam’s day.

Said a spokesman for the Iraqi government: "We are following the American constitution to the letter. Therefore, Women won’t have the right to vote for 150 years, Kurds are worth 3/5 of a person, and homosexuals who marry will be stoned to death."

It's not quite my joke anymore, but it is in the show tonight.

No more Bjork.

8/02/05 - goodbye heather
Originally uploaded by talfulano

Heather's leaving Boom and heading back home. I feel fortunate to have performed with her, for the past few weeks as she is a great performer and we get along really well.

Tonight we had a clip party, everyone chose a small segment of a movie or TV show, and play it in honor of the departing Heather. I don't know Heather that well, so, knowing her love of Anime, I played the scene in Street Fighter where Chiba bashes a guy's head and it switches to an x-ray of the guy's head.

Best of luck in America, I think that scene said.

Pic from a Late Nite

I have no idea what's going on here, but one thing's for sure: it's a bit.

Segway Tour of Amsterdam with Mao

Yes, we took a Segway Tour of Amsterdam. All thanks go to Andrew for setting this up. The tour was set up by Mao, an American ex-pat who was very nervous indeed to have us use the segways. Particularly Lauren and Laurel. He was real worried about them, so he had another guy follow behind all of us "just in case". Not the greatest pick for security since this bearded stoner guy, originally from San Diego and whose name escapes me, was about 5'5" and maybe 100 pounds soaking wet. Whatever trouble we might get in, I don't think San Diego hippie guy was going to do it.

Riding those things was the one of the most joyfully gay things you can do. Not one person could avoid looking at us and laughing at our helmets, the segways, and everything else involved.

Canal Ride

It's Laurel's B-day, so we were treated to a canal ride. Laurel looks hilariously tired in this photo. Our director Jon, had us sing Dutch songs as we rode around Amsterdam, trying to get others involved. Rachel made a strawberry cakey thing. The canals were beautiful.

I'm still pretty jet-lagged. Rather than spend another night in Jim's Casa de Filth, Matt invited the two of us to stay with him and his girlfriend CeCe. They live in a little studio on the top floor. The view looked like this:


I still couldn't sleep. Tonight, we're staying somewhere else and living off the kindness of the cast. Definitely a big college vibe here.

Day One in Amsterdam

Dunbar dropped me off at the airport with Erica and I said my goodbyes. I know that Erica will only be apart for 3 months, but it's hard top say goodbye to her. Dunbar's been so great in helping me move too, and I will miss him a lot. After they drive off, I am left with my mountain of bags to bring to Europe.

The flight is long, and I find that I am very anxious. It's been 10 years since I backpacked through Europe and I can barely remember what Amsterdam looks like. I watch shows on my laptop and read about Amsterdam and I can't sleep so I don't. Once I get off the plane I find Jon (or Pep as he is known to Boom folk), Lauren, and Amber waiting for me. I've overpacked and have so many bags that I am totally embarassed as we go to an aiport cafe and wait for Laurel's delayed flight.

I drink coffee and await to hear about the big news on my apartment. Everyone in Chicago kept asking me where I was going to be living, and I had no idea, so Jon explained to me that he was thinking that I would live in this certain apartment that had a cat. I mentioned my allergy to cats, so that changed that. Apparently, this also left Laurel without a place too, so once she arrived we dropped off all our bags at Boom in the actor's office, known as "the Shiny". They would end up living under the computer table for the next week.

After the bags were stowed, I was sent over to Dan and Lauren's place. Dan and Lauren are the other two new actors, from Los Angeles, but they arrived a few days ago and already are moved into an apartment together. Dan allows me to try to nap on his bed, but besides the awkwardness of sleeping on a stranger's new futon bed, the room is also very small, more like a large closet, and there is only room for the futon, a fan, and a shelf near the ceiling. I rest more than nap and the four of us meet Pep for dinner and we watch the first show and then get ready for our first big show.

The cast of my first Late Nite:


Greg tries to show me how to put on my microphone. I try to work the mic belt, but can't figure out its logic with my brain pounding from adrenalin and lack of sleep. His method is to palce the mic into the belt and tuck it under your belt, which I find odd, but try it anyway.

The show is a blur, but my first scene with Lauren gets a big laugh, and I feel like I might be okay here. Then we head to our "room" for the night-Jim's filthy bed.

Jim's bed is legend, and people are already telling me tales of Jim getting drunk one night and pissing on the mattress rather than getting up for the bathroom. "Don't worry, he turned the mattress over," someone tells me. Jim and Suzi are in Frankfurt with Tim and Tarik, so we are sent there with Justine, Suzi's girlfriend and her friends visiting from Australia.

This is tough to write about without sounding catty, but trust that I'm just trying to be honest when I say that Jim's room is filthy. There's a deep funk in the room, certainly from the dirty clothes and sheets, and who knows what else. A naked girl is drawn on the wall, her vagina drawn carefully in the foreground with her saying "Fuck me, I'm Dutch and unemotional." The grey stain on the wall by the end of the bed is what I imagine to be dirt coming off the grey pillow cases, but turns out to be a collection of what Jim grabbed from nose during his night's slumer. A giant, booger cloud. The bed reeks of, well, Jim. I ask Justine for some different pillows, move down the bed so my head is not near the booger cloud, and fall asleep. If it weren't 5am and I hadn't been up for over a day, I don't know if I could have slept on that bed. I've had my own filthy days, but no one ever had to sleep in it but me. I wake up around 1:00 the next day, my first day in Amsterdam behind me.



Getting ready to sleep in the filthiest bed ever.


The "new kids" post-show.

30 Days Left

So, after all my worrying, I am heading to Amsterdam. I really thought it was not going to happen. Now, everything has that feeling of "the last time."

I'm grateful. Very much so. Finally, I will get to spend a year working and making a living doing what I want to do, plus I get to do it in another country. I'm realistic enough to know that this isn't going to be perfect; it'll be a job with the up's and down's of any job, but I hope to keep a clear head about the fact that it's taken years for me to be a paid actor. Three years of Patrick's theatre company and four years at Charna's Chuckle House has brought me, finally, to being a paid actor. It feels good.

I'd better not forget it.

A Friend Has Passed...

Brian sent me word that the Coronet Theater in San Francisco is closing. They're putting up a housing center for seniors, and as much as I think that's awesome for the old folks, having lived in that city for seven long years, I know there are plenty of other real estate opportunities for such a facility. The problem was, the theater was the largest single screen in the States, seating 1,300 and not enough people showed. It was losing money, so they sold it. Good work, City of San Francisco. Your preservation efforts went out the window of a live/work loft. Thanks for the memories, Coronet. It was great to see Star Wars there, Exorcist, and many others. You will be missed.

Fuck you , Hallmark.

Last Christmas, I watched a CBS Hallmark movie about a pair of red shoes a little girl wanted to give her dying mother. I appreciate the sentiment, but this was the biggest waste of time. We could have spent that time talking or even sleeping. The most current Hallmark attraction, however, is worthy of your time and attention.



I have a special relationship with Hallmark films or Afterschool Specials of this type. My Mom would always make my brother and I watch a TV movie if it was about teen suicide or drug use or running away or safe sex. She's say, "Boys, there is a program that I feel is important for you to watch tonight." This was the way we were exposed the deeper issues, by enduring an hour long special presentation.

Once, we watched one that was about a teen couple that had a baby while they were still in high school. At the end, my Mom said, "You see, boys, it's very important to practice safe sex." It was one of the few times we had a "sex chat." Usually, we avoided the topic altogether. When we did finally talk about it, it was in public.

I had graduated high school and was preparing for my first semester in college, so my Mom took me to CostCo to buy some supplies. After loading up the cart with Goldfish crackers and Top Ramen, my Mom decided to enter into our first frank and adult conversation about sex. "Do you want to get some condoms?" she asked, "They sell them here."

I went immediately red. "N-no," I stammered, "I'll take care of that."

"I just want you to be safe. It's important. We might as well get them while we're here."

It was tempting. I'd be supplied for a good while, a wholesale tub of rubbers. But then, I realized my Mom was attempting the best safe sex of all. By buying me condoms, I'd think about her every time I went for one, completely ruining any sexual urge I'd previously had. I declined and got Kool-Aid instead.

I just saw the cover of the new TimeOut Chicago with Defiant Thomas Brothers. I'm so happy for those dudes, whom I don't really know except I did a shitty sketch show at Second City with Seth when I first moved to town, but I can't help feeling that if we had only kept our shit together, it would have been Good Time Hour doing just as well. That is a great regret for me.

Not too sure about this Amsterdam thing anymore. The longer it takes for me to get "the call", the less confident I am about it. I spent February and March living in a dreamworld, wherein I would be living in Europe, performing improv and sketch to Dutch people and tourists. I tried not to let too many people know about it, but word gets around and most people ask me, "When are you going to Boom?", and I have to be all, "Ah, I don't know yet." It'll suck to have to tell people I'm not going at all.

But I will be moving. That much I'm sure of. I think I am done here in Chicago. Time to go. I'm trying to think of what would keep me here, and besides continuing to do what I've done for the past couple years, I'm a little stumped. So, off I go. Europe or LA, here I come.

I took two "snow days" this week, and spent one of them playing XBOX until my eyes crossed. What a life. I have no patience for my job anymore. The dangling carrot that is Amsterdam has me already giving up on work (I need a new job anyway), and I basically come in to check email and hunt through the Internet.

We miss you, Shaq.

FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH

Last weekend Erica and I headed up to Minneapolis, visiting my brother and taking in all that Minnesota has to offer. First stop was the Mall of America, or MOA, as it is called.


I'm totally MOA right now.

My brother tells me that the South section is the most dangerous, which blows my mind to think that there is a dangerous section. Not in the danger zone was an Orange Julius, which I used to love growing up. They had one at the UTC, but then it closed and I didn't have one again until college, when they had one at the Serramonte Mall. I had to have one. I decided on an original, and oh heavenly delight, it was as delicious as my childhood remembered. They are samplings of fucking nirvana. Yeah, I said it. I looked for a recipe on the Internet, and here's a recipe some dude has even copyrighted:

Recipe Created By: Robbie
Prep. Time: 0:15Serves: 2
6 oz. can frozen concentrated orange juice
1 cup milk - low-fat okay
1 cup water
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1 tsp. vanilla extract
8 ice cubes

-Pour all ingredients, except ice cubes, in a blender.
-Blend, adding ice cubes one at a time, until smooth.

Nice secret blending technique, Robbie. Glad you got the copyright on it. Now, no one steal this, or Robbie will sue. By the way, there's a ton of Orange Julius recipes on the Internet, so I'm not the only one with misguided priorities.

Slurp!

To follow, we went here:


and went tubing. There were fathers and their little kids, teenagers, and us, four twenty and thrity year-olds crashing their lines. First couple runs were a little tentative, but pretty soon I was racing from the tow line to the fir

The only thing that comes with age is responsibility. I think I may be avoiding that as much as possible in my life. I was thinking about this last night as I played Splinter Cell on my XBOX until 3am. I work a crappy day job I can't stand that barely affords me a living, I am more disorganized than I have ever been, I sleep less, and my evening hours are usally spent either rehearsing or performing improvisation. That doesn't sound like what I thought 30 would be like.

Most of my friends are either married or engaged, going to grad shcool, buying a home, or having children. I'm not worried about keeping up, rather a little amazed at the path my life has taken. When I was a teenager, I really never had set goals for myself by certain ages. That might have been a mistake, I don't know. I'm reflecting because I may be moving to Amsterdam to work in a theater there doing sketch and improv. I will be 31 in October, and this feels, this move to another country, like only keeping me from truly growing up. I have no idea why I feel this way. On the other hand, I'm totally thrilled.